Wednesday, July 23, 2014

I think my views on beauty have changed

For Christmas my wife go me a one year subscription to Playboy.  Yes , my wife got it for me.  Have I ever told you how awesome she is?  The holy grail of spank mags comes to my house every month.  But Hef's publication isn't really a spank mag.  Its more classy art, with boobs.  And some really great articles.  And who doesn't like boobs?  And airbrushing. (more on that later)  And the articles.  They aren't half bad, either.

I have been reading and "reading" the issues.  But something isn't right.  The ole head isn't quite reacting to the beautiful, nude women's bodies like it used to.  I remember watching National Lampoons European Vacation as a kid just to get a glimpse of some boobie and being in awe of their wonderfulness.  Or even getting a glimpse of a boob in Just One Of The Guys.  (Great 80's movie where a girl changes her gender to get a job.  You should find it and watch it, but it is an 80's movie so be warned)  Boobs are really wonderful.  I now find myself reading more of the articles.  (You see, it really is true.  Guys do read it for the articles)  I am having internal conflicts with the fact that most of these girls were born after I entered high school.  (Well maybe not that young but they are very young, by this old man's standards)  I look at the fine specimen of female and search for signs of normalcy.  I look for things I find cute, sexy and adorable.  I look for things real woman have.  They have a personality.  They have a sense of humor.  They have battle scars of life; stretch marks from pregnancy or a macaroni necklace their kids made them draped around their necks.  (Dangling into their delicious cleavage.)  They do not have the most perfect body.  They do not have very perky breasts, but what fun are those after a week or two?  I can only assume these models have those flaws as well but they are just covered by an airbrush artists before the issue goes to press.  (But that guy has a job and by the looks of it he does is well)

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I am the father to three girls.  Maybe it has something to do with maturity (don't start spreading the rumor that I have matured.  My street cred will take a big hit if that got out).  Perhaps the culprit is seeing what a real woman does for her family at the expense of her looks.  Real women work.  Real women stress.  Real women get pregnant and grow a child.  Most breast feed that child to give it the best nutrition on Earth.  Most women embrace their bodies no matter what they look like.  Albeit most, if not all of them, wish they looked like the girlies in the magazines.  These "real women" are the sexiest, most beautiful women on the planet.  They are the ones giving life, nurturing life, wearing their battle scars with pride.

Is it Hugh Hefner's fault women feel inferior to the girls in his magazine?  Is it society's fault that all women look to the models as a gauge of beauty?  Is it the man's fault for gawking at cover after cover, mentally banking his ideal woman, piece by piece?  They are just doing what sells.  And year after year the models get thinner and thinner.  A real woman has some meat on her bones.  She is someone who won't get blown away on a windy day if she didn't have rocks in her pockets.  A real woman has flaws.  And those flaws is what makes her beautiful.  It is also what makes her individual.  If every woman was thin, with round shapely bosoms and a perfect bottom there would be no one to stand out.  And no one would buck the trend.

So embrace your woman-friend's flaws.  That is what makes her special.  Like the old adage says:  "Shake what your momma gave ya!"

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

My worst parenting decision to date

Lets start off by saying I am usually a good parent. Sometimes I am even great! Just ask me.  I keep my kids safe and clean (most of the time) and even fed.  I play with my kids.  I teach my kids important life skills such as the importance of being polite, sharing (a work in progress), cleaning up after ones self (an arduous task) and the art of laundry folding.  Yet the other day I had a lapse in judgement.  One that I am not proud of.  I purchased the Frozen soundtrack from iTunes. A harmless act, you say?  Sure.  The music of the latest Disney craze/fad/brainwashing movie is filled with songs my children know by heart (another example of brainwashing; they learn them in school!) and keeps them occupied for hours, even whole minutes on end.  But the drawback is hearing Let It Go (both versions) or Do You Want To Build A Snowman in constant replay.  These songs must be what Zendaya was singing about in her song Replay.  Yes, I know that song too.  It is on RadioDisney.  A lot.  Further proof Disney is taking over the psyches of the world.  All these songs get wedged into my brain and I am forced to sing them to myself ALL DAY.  ALL. DAY.

The problem is some of the songs are very sad.  I have seen the movie (further proof of brainwashing; Disney makes it so parents AND kids watch their movies if they want to or not).  Every time I hear some of the songs I remember back to the scenes and how unfortunate the character's situations are.  Frozen  is a great movie but replaying the whole movie in my head all is getting old.  I just hope my kids are relating to it like I am.  I hope they are getting the message of the movie:  True love is the most important thing.  But not Prince/Princess true love (that has been done a thousand times over, by Disney. It's their bread and butter) but the the true love between family.  I can only hope that message will set in soon and my girls will stop bickering and fighting with each other over who sits next to whom at the dinner table or which one got their water cup first.

So maybe there is something to this brainwashing thing.  I only have fifteen or so more years to test my theory.

And to be fair, I do not believe Disney is brainwashing my children or society.  They do a wonderful job creating, marketing and promoting their products.  And they try like hell to get a great message to the younger generation (and sometimes the older crowd, too. And if you are over the age of 30 and camp out for the next Disney movie to come out at the theater, you need more to do. Let me know if your have some down time.  I have a ton of stuff that needs to get done and I could use an extra hand or two).