Sunday, June 16, 2013

I'm a good samaritan!

In another chapter of "My life is a Sitcom", here's a story for y'all.

So I was on my way to go deal with a child and bed time issues (read "My wrist hurts"and "my leg hurts" and "I can't fall asleep.  I tried really, really hard", etc.) when I spotted some geese and a duck in my front lawn.  Normally I would think its pretty cool to have such exotic wildlife in my lawn, but I also remembered that a few weeks ago a neighbor searched my woods for some of her foul that had been run amok the night prior.  After I laid down the nighttime law, I went over the the aforementioned neighbor's house to altert them of their runaway feathered pets.  There was no answer at the door; pitch black inside.  Either they are being really, really quiet, or they are away.  I wonder which is the logical answer.  I mean, they have kids and I know how hard it is to keep kids quiet for a second let alone a few minutes.  They must be hiding....

After I gave up on the neighbors are hiding from me theory, I followed the mini flock up the street with the intention of coaxing them back home.  How?  I had no idea.  I've never moved geese before.  I tried whistling at them.  Calling them.  Chirping at them.  Kissing and click noises.  They were not amused or even remotely interested in me.  I felt that they would be fine and eventually make their way home.  The neighbor told me that they are very good at finding their way back home so I felt confident that they could fend for themselves until they meandered home.

As I was walking back to my lovely abode, I looked back up the street to see my new feathered friends crossing the road. (Please no "Why did the goose cross the road" jokes)  I live on a very busy main route.  People come flying by all the time.  Last year a very intoxicated woman decided my mailbox looked better 50 feet down the road than at the end of my driveway.  I just wish she used her words instead of her car at a high rate of speed.  So I am motioning to the coming cars to slow down to give my feathered comrades a fighting chance of crossing the busy thoroughfare.   One gentleman thinks I was waving at him and kindly waves back.  Eventually he realizes what I was alluding to and stops to let them cross.  As for the other lane of traffic, not so much.  I can only be in one place a one time.  This one driver didn't see the birds until it was too late.  Two of the five hollow boned animals met their maker with a feathery, automobile-ic thud.  The guy that hit them was very concerned and apologetic.  I really felt bad for his tween daughter in the passenger seat who witnessed the whole episode.  She seemed to be taking it quite well.  He felt so bad that he called the police then ran to BJ's for a few things.  But he said he'd be back to check in before going home.  What a nice guy.

So he leaves.  I get the rest of the very sad flock (if you can call it that) into the back yard and into their pen.  Then the police officer arrives.  I fill him in on the situation, who the rogue birds belong to and whatnot.  This officer and I spot another lone bird and decide to reunite hime with his feathered brethren.  This bird is a little more agile and astoot.  It was one of the city's finest and me, chasing a duck, trying to steer him this way or that.  We succeed to get him back to the pen after about 20 minutes or so.  It must have been some sight.  Then the driver who assaulted the geese/ducks came back.

A car pulls into the driveway of the house that houses these birds.  I'm thinking the owners came back from dinner or a night out on the town or discovering some far new land or something.  But nope.  It was just the duck-sitter; the person responsible for locking up these guys at night.  Then another (or the same one) bird is spotted.  Now its on!

For the next HALF AN HOUR (or so) me, the duck locker-upper, and a couple of neighbors try to get this fast, smart, ornery, sly, insane, black duck back home.  And the cop just drove right by.  I guess he is only good for one wildlife call per night.  I'm sure he will be talking to this call to all his cop buddies for a while.  Back to the runaway duck.  We corner it.  It gets away.  The helper takes a few dives to try to grab it but it gets away.  It was quite comical.  Finally we get him cornered in a bush and he is captured.  Ordeal over!  Just use your imagination and try to see us chasing a duck around the neighborhood.  Laugh at will.  I did.

All in all it was an unexpected turn of events that broke up the normalcy of a Saturday night.  And I did some good samaritan work.  Maybe this will get me off the fast track to the bad place when I meet my maker.  I just hope it won't be  as I'm crossing the road with my feathered friends.

And I forgot....


1 comment:

  1. Welcome back!! I always have a good laugh reading your blog - while realizing that someday as my family grows, Ben and I will have similar stories of ridiculousness. :)

    This post made me laugh out loud. Good one.